Congratulations! You’ve just diagnosed yourself with Wallet Biopsy Syndrome—that horrifying moment when you check your balance and realize your money has mysteriously vanished. (Spoiler: You spent it.) But don’t worry, at least you can stay hydrated while you drown in financial regret.
This 32 oz. ( just under 1 litre) water bottle is perfect for sipping on your last drops of disposable income. The wide mouth lets you add ice, fruit, or the bitter tears of buyer’s remorse, while the built-in handle makes it easy to carry as you chase your next paycheck.
Why You Need This Bottle (Besides the Crushing Reality of Capitalism)
💸 32 oz. of Liquid Therapy – Because drinking water is cheaper than another bad financial decision.
🧊 Wide Mouth for Easy Filling – Ice, fruit, or whatever helps you cope.
💪 Durable & BPA-Free – Tough enough to survive impulse purchases.
🎒 Handle for Easy Carrying – Because walking to work instead of Ubering requires hydration.
🚫 Hand-Wash Only – Just like your wallet, it can’t handle too much heat.
⚠️ Warning: May not fix your spending habits, but at least you’ll be hydrated while you're broke.
Part of The DICKTIONARY Collection by Calmed By CHAOS—because sarcasm and hydration go hand in hand.
Size guide
| |
WIDTH (inches) |
LENGTH (inches) |
| 32 oz |
2 ½ |
8 ¼ |
| |
WIDTH (cm) |
LENGTH (cm) |
| 32 oz |
6.4 |
20.8 |
